As someone who has been in and out of recovery multiple times, the hardest thing for me is trying to recover in a society of diet culture. It can be frustrating and exhausting, as we are actively trying to alter our disordered thoughts and perspectives in a world which normalises and promotes unrealistic ideals.
Whilst we are responsible for our triggers, our ED will find anything as an excuse to engage with behaviours or relapse, and it takes a lot of hard work and a long time in recovery to be able to push these triggers to the side, it isn’t as simple as ‘just ignore it’. For example, if someone else at the table isn’t eating, we are told we can’t eat either as it makes us look greedy. Eating disorders are also extremely competitive- we are in a race to be the ‘sickest’. Hearing someone else is on a diet, or haven’t eaten for X amount of time, our ED tells us we aren’t good enough; we must try harder. So, trying to recover and hearing someone say something like, “I went out for dinner last night, I’m ‘fasting’ to make up for it” can feel incredibly contradicting.
“But if I did that, it would be engaging with my ED?”
We have normalised disordered eating, whether that’s compensating for food or restricting to reach an unrealistic weight and labelling food as good or bad. Being mindful around those who you know are recovering from an eating disorder would be really helpful in their recovery and we would be so grateful for your consideration… Often, we have been consumed by disordered thoughts and behaviours for so long, we can’t remember what ‘normal’ / intuitive eating looks like. Therefore, we will observe others and look for an example to follow.
Be that person they can look up to: teaching them food CAN be enjoyable as well as a form of energy; promote moderation and balance, eliminating guilt and shame projected onto foods with higher calories or lower in nutrients; and recognising there is so much more to life than what you eat or how you look.
Weight gain is an important part of recovery for many, no matter what weight. This is also tricky when we are surrounded by what social media deems as beautiful and acceptable. Fortunately, body positivity is much better than it used to be, but I also feel the pressure to look a certain way has just been hidden and become a taboo. A healthy weight looks different on everybody; depending on age, gender, height, muscle mass, lifestyle, genetics. Your healthy weight is the weight your body settles into when you are no longer engaging in eating disorder behaviours. Why are we still judged by how we look, rather than our qualities and who we are as a human being? Shouldn’t we be appreciative for all the things our bodies do for us? Other than how it looks?
Its important to remember everyone is on their own, unique journey- comparison is the thief of joy. Yet its also important to remember that you are not alone in this, and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself for being triggered by comments that are riddled with toxicity from diet culture, and it takes a lot of time and hard work to learn to stop comparing yourself. Both of these behaviours are big parts of an ED.
The fact you are in recovery is amazing in itself, especially in a world that makes it so hard to do.
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