In recovery, people often talk about saying goodbye to your eating disorder. One of the many reasons we developed it in the first place is due to the need to control; life was traumatic, unsettled. Our ED acts as the calm amidst the chaos, a friend perhaps. Acknowledging how it has helped is the first step in letting go.
Dear ED,
I am writing this letter to acknowledge the help you have given me for the last six years. Like all friends, we have had our ups and downs, but you have stayed by my side when I needed one most. Your intentions are pure and I know you have always meant well. You came into my life during a very traumatic time; your presence like a warm hug and advice aiding me through tough moments. Although we aren't close anymore, I still think about you every moment of everyday. I miss the comfort you provided and the safety blanket you wrapped around me. When we were joined at the hip I couldn't care less about what anyone said! Because you were the only one who stayed. When everyone else left, you held my hand and promised me we would get through this. As long as we had each other, we would be okay. Not only did you help me feel less alone, but you held me during my darkest days.
By taking on board your guidance, the memories that haunt me faded, and the feelings of worthlessness and betrayal disintegrated. You allowed me to breathe again; I no longer falt as though I were drowning. You were the only armour and shield I had. Yet it hurts me deeply to say, I don't need you anymore. I can see how everything you did was to protect me, but all it ever did was dig the hole I was in even deeper. Our friendship wasn't a long-term solution. It placed a Band-Aid on a very deep wound and I need to heal fully. I will never forget you; I will never hate you. However, I do need to do this without you.
Yours sincerely,
the girl who just wanted to feel wanted.
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